Friday, October 23, 2009

I still Cry.....................................


I still cry
when I think of how you love me
and I struggle in the darkness
even when its hard to try

And on some days - that seem to never end
I'm consumed with all the pain
and my struggles deep within

Its then you speak to me
that your always in control
you have good plans in store
that some day I truly see

How your Love
Is my shelter in the storm
it descends upon my heart
from your heavens up above

Its then on my knees
that I find your strength within
all my doubts and fears
begin to fanish and to flee

And then I cry
not for pity for myself
but to think you loved me so
to pay the price for me and die

Oh Sweet Jesus - never let me go
Help me walk with you each day
I'm so in love with you
from the depths of my soul

And through my cries
they are tears of joy this day
I no longer walk in shame
for with you the old me dies

For you see my tears
but they are tears for what you've done
even when I walked alone
you sent your one and only Son..........................................

God woke me this morning with this song on my lips..... I woke up singing " I STILL CRY".......
feeling that my heart still aches in many ways for many sorrows......................but in the end
I still cry for the most amazing grace I have ever discovered....................
I will never understand how or why.
But I do know this truth.
GOD LOVES YOU AND I more than we will ever be able to comprehend!

Thursday, October 22, 2009



Isn't it funny how God uses things in our lives to bring revelation?

I was seeking the Lord this morning during my quiet time and thanking
him for his grace and mercies that are new each and every morning.

Thanking him for revealing himself to me in a fresh and new way that only
his Holy Spirit can.................
I have been in one of those storms of life. When our emotions toss us to and fro.
When we end up walking in what we are feeling instead of walking in what is TRUE!

I am finding that if we run to the Lord...................fall at his feet and allow him
to take all of our cares and burdens. WHAT PEACE... WHAT AMAZING PEACE that brings.
He wants to care for us. He desires that we love him first and foremost above all else that
this world has to offer. I was so struggling with having hope for an outcome in a recent
lost relationship... My hope was wrapped up in that ONE DESIRE..............God has been
so patient and gentle in allowing me time to see that my HOPE IS IN HIM.... ALONE!

Driving in to work I was struke with this realization! We thank God for the sunny days - for
the blessings in life. When things are just falling right in to place and all is well.
What about the rain?
What about the storms?
I'm thanking God today for the storms he has allowed. The testing he himself has allowed.
and the rain.......................Oh Lord thank you for the rain! Its in my storm that his love
has poured in on my heart more than I could ever have imagined!
Thank you God for the cross..... Thank you Lord for loving me so much that you sent your
Son to die for my sin. That when you look at me - you don't see the mess - you don't see the
selfishness - YOU SEE YOUR SON!
Today I can thankfully see your love and be thankful for this season that you are allowing me
to take a step of faith. a step in growth. a step in trust.

I just thank you Lord for the RAIN!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Letting Go and Letting God!

Letting Go and Letting God

** picture taken on my Alpha retreat**

The good Lord knew I would reflect back on this photo and

have an image of his beauty and peace that he has brought to my life!

I'm sure many of you have been where I am at. When God has brought you to a place

of knowing that you control NOTHING in your life. PERIOD.

This is such a hard place and yet a wonderful place once you finally figure out that

by letting go.................God can finally do something on your behalf!

WHAT PEACE that surpasses all understanding.

To be at the place where I can finally believe the following words of the Lord:

2nd Corinthians 12:9

My grace is sufficient for you.. for my power is made perfect in WEAKNESS..

Isaiah 43:19

For I am about to do something new, See, I have already begun! Do you not see!

Habakkuh 1:5

For I am doing something in your own day. Something you wouldn't believe even if someone told you about it.

1 Peter 5:6

So humble yourself under the might power of God and at the right time - he will lift you up to honor.

When you can say with all honesty and humility: Lord I have a problem - and its ME!

To finally come to the realization that you must be more concerned with your character than your reputation. For our character is what we really are and our reputation is merely what others think we are! WHAT TRUTH!

I know that there must be many woman that need healing in their hearts.

I want to share my testimony in hopes that it may help someone else see how great is our God!

My journey began when I was 10 years old. Thats when I first met the Lord. I was a church bus ministry child. My parents did not attend church yet. Once I got saved they started attending and became christians as well.

I got married at the age of 18 to my High School sweetheart. We had two children together and I thought - had a white picket fence life.

Our marriage lasted 22 years. The last 5 of those years were very very hard. Sin came in to our marriage through adultry,lies, anger, bitterness.......................I think every sin possible was committed toward one another, all while attending church. Blame goes to both sides of that fence.

We eventually divorced and went our seperate ways. What a devastating effect this had on our family and is still affecting them today!

God finally brought the man of my dreams into my life and my heart was still so strong willed and stubborn from my past that I ended up not realizing what a treasure the Lord had blessed me with. My stubborn rebellion caused my relation to end. I do believe that God used this tragedy in order to bring me to the place of COMPLETE AND UTTER BROKENESS.

I can honestly picture myself as the woman drying her tears from Jesus' feet with her hair! I have thrown myself at the feet of JESUS for sure. Praise God he has held out his arms and just loved me. He loved me enough to allow me to be broken. Now he can mold me into his image. HOW GREAT IS THAT. Now I can become a daughter of Sarah. My heart can become CHRIST LIKE. Only when I realize my desperate need for the Lord each and every day of my life is when he can actually speak into my heart and direct my path!

I know that there are woman out there hurting. God desires all to be whole.

He wants to give us the desires of our heart.... It all begins when we first begin to
desire his ways and his perfect will.....................................

Romans 5:4 More than that. We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that our sufferings produce endurance, and endurance produces character and character produces hope and hope does not put to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given us. For while we were still weak, Christ died for the ungodly.

A work in progress!!!!!!!!!!!!! and thanking God for it.........................................